Picaso

I have learned that as much as I have been taught about and exposed to a wide range of experiences with people, I know not much.  I have prided myself in knowing how I believe people feel about various situations, only to discover I know not much.  It's simple isn't it?  I'm a reasonable thinking person, to me; most times, to most people.  I am reasonably intelligent.  I have earned degrees in management and leadership to go with my thirty-two years of working with people.  Yet, it is unfortunate I ultimately find that I am pretty far from what I believe to be true about people on any given subject.

I have a genuine care for the advancement of people, and especially those who I am associated with in any given arena.  Whether it be those I attend and fellowship with at church, friends that I have known forever, colleagues, both supervisory and subordinate, parental, extended family, immediate family, suggested family, framily, and all others in between.  I never-ever want to see, experience, or be a part of any negative association with people.  I better drop a note here before I am crucified; I don't want to see, be a part of, or allow any abuse of power toward anyone.  If the last sentence has you wondering about my allegiance to what some consider, "The Thin Blue Line," trust that I will be the first to get into any cops *** from the bottom to the top that would abuse their power or authority at the demise of the worst of the worst criminal.  I'm off track, but I had to make that plain and clear!

One day several years ago, I asked a question that I have since regretted asking.  I often go back to that day, remembering it vividly because of how much I care for and provide care, both spiritual and emotional for people in varying arenas.  I asked, "How do you do it?"  The answer was simply this, "Man, I can turn it on, and then turn it right back off and go about my business!"  Literally, within about ten minutes of praying mightily with a family in an ICU hospital room, over a woman taking her last breath, we were laughing and telling war stories.  The attitudes of one man who was a prominent preacher, the other, just a recently divorced guy with a lot of time on his hands to hang out.  No, I was not the preacher in this particular story.

Years later, I would learn that particular attitude and answer to my question to be associated with either Compassion Fatigue, or just plain ole, "IDGA*!"  The unfortunate thing for me is, IDoGA*, especially when it comes to the people I am responsible for.  Family, friends, superiors, co-workers, subordinates, residents, visitors, criminals, enemies, you name it.

I have a multitude of personal faults that I surely can't hide.  One of those is, "you wear your emotions on your shoulder!"  I must, because today, I was told of how it is painted all over my being when it's not going to be a good day.  I wish I could see my portrait on those days, because I believe that I have stuff under control.  The real jacked up thing about it is, today wasn't the first, second, third, or fortieth time I've been told such.

Two Sundays ago when the choir was singing a song, one of the choir members leaned over to my wife, who is also in the choir and said, "Ryan looked mighty bored when we were singing just now!"  I guess it was real bad because Bridgette sent me a text message during the service about the comment.  I reflected back on the song, which only about three minutes had passed by since they finished singing, and thought, they actually sounded okay.  Then I tried my hardest to remember what I was actually thinking about while they were singing.  "Oh yeah, I just finished preaching at another church about thirty minutes ago."  That would explain my suggested boredom.  Preaching takes everything out of me for at least the next twelve hours or so.  I probably did look like I was interested in laying down in my bed and taking a nap!

My point in taking the long way around by telling that story is, I must do better in my non-verbal communications, especially if I'm going to be a leader.  I only want the best for the people around me.  I guess I better somehow show my best, even when not feeling my best.  I've got to paint a better picture.

It hurts really bad to give so much towards the intended success of the people I serve when it is perceived that there is an ulterior motive.  I was hit with a ton of bricks when told that my good was perceived as meant for evil.  For once, perception is not a reality.

This moment in blog is not intended for you to understand.  It's just, what's on my mind. 

My Lil One drew this picture in the 3rd Grade. 

"Picaso" by, Briahnna Small